Your partner is just "a click away," but that might be farther than you think
There's no question the Internet can bring people together. Just look at the traffic and success of online dating sites. That's how Jeff and Dawn met. They live in Minneapolis and prefer to go by first names only.
They say the Internet is now pushing them apart.
The problem is My Space.com, that's the social Web site where Jeff posts his favorite music on his personal page, along with a photo and other information about himself. Jeff says he started the page to highlight his interest in music, but then other people started asking to be part of his online network of friends. It just so happens that a lot of them were women.
"If they seemed legitimate and half way sane, I'd say sure. I thought what does it do except pile up a whole bunch of names," he says. "Most of these women weren't local and other than sending little comments on each other's page, there wasn't much communication. So to me, it wasn't anything serious."
Create a More Connected Minnesota
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Jeff was already active on Myspace when he met Dawn a year ago. He sent her a link to his MySpace page, and Dawn took a look at the women Jeff has as "friends." She says many are hot and single, and their MySpace pages border on indecent. Dawn had a "little talk" with Jeff about this.
"I was like you know what? No. This is not cool with me. And if that's where you're at, that's good, I need to know that. But if this is how you're interacting with someone on your Myspace, I'm not down with that," Dawn says.
To some extent, Jeff gets this point. After all, he and Dawn know how Web sites can lead to romance -- and misunderstandings.
"I think they add another avenue of suspicion. In years gone past, people, if they were jealous, they were jealous about people literally in your community," he explains. "Now with the Internet, I can communicate with people on the other side of the globe, and in theory, could actually start pseudo relationships, which could turn into real relationships. So I sort of see where it could possibly lead to, but me knowing me, I know they're nothing more than fictionalized friends."
And Jeff doesn't want to let go of this online life. He and Dawn have nearly broken up because of those MySpace "friends."
While their relationship is suffering from a bit too much online openness, other couples say there's nothing like online talk to stay close. Over coffee at a bookstore in Bloomington, Kay and Jamal Uddin explain how they've managed to navigate marital woes -- through email.
"Let's say something happens at home, and we both come to work, and I realize that what I did, I shouldn't do that. So I explain the scenario and apologize and maybe give a greeting card and two lines of poetry, and boom, I send it. That works good," he says.
Kay Uddin says talking online actually helps her express her feelings.
"I'm very emotional. I cry when I'm talking and he doesn't like crying," she says with a laugh. "It's easier for me to write it down and send it to him, that way I'm not crying or anything like that."
Kay and Jamal say most of the time, the digital world is a bridge for them, not a divide.
Not so for Jeff Funk and Jen Haugh. Technology sometimes creates a rift in their relationship -- a rift filled with chunky wires snaking through their basement in Minneapolis.
"You can see all the wires, and how nicely they're ziptied. Cable comes in here, and we have a firewall so that no one can come in," Jeff says. "you look pleased," I observe. "I am! Since it's what I do for a living, I have stuff," he says.
Jeff is an admitted technogeek who has wired his house and life to the nines. As Jeff gives a tour, Jen looks on with obvious chagrin.
"I don't ask questions," she says. "She doesn't!" Jeff chimes in. "It's like, 'What are you doing?' Nothing!"
When the couple married two and a half years ago, Jeff was a junior high band director. Then Jeff switched jobs and became a techie. Now, he rewires the entertainment center every few months. He's burned through 3 or 4 palm pilots since he and Jen met. And his cell phone and PDA are always at hand.
Though Jen's happy to see Jeff pursue his interests, sometimes it all drives her crazy. It's like Jeff is having an affair -- not with someone else, but with his gadgets.
"I get that feeling every time Jeff bends his head down and starts twiddling with his palm pilot or phone. It's like he's just turned off, he's immersed in his technology, and I just can't relate to him anymore," she says.
So while the digital world may promise to bring people closer, with everything from family cell phone plans to social networking sites like MySpace to instant messaging, it's not the gadgets that make the difference. We do. Being a click away from your partner can either be a boon or a bust when the whole world is connected.
