Ever argued with an older loved one about their care? A mediation group is helping families work it out
Community Mediation Minnesota, a network of nonprofits that provide mediation services, is receiving $60,000 from the state to help families navigate complicated relationships, choices and disagreements with aging loved ones.
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The state of Minnesota recently announced $1.3 million in grants for projects that it says will make the state a better place to live as an older person. This includes funding for accessible design, housing and health care access.
One of the projects hinges on the complicated relationships, choices and disagreements that families navigate as loved ones age. Community Mediation Minnesota, a network of nonprofits that provide mediation services, is receiving $60,000 from the state to do more work with older people.
Katie Arnold, the co-executive director of Community Mediation Minnesota, joined Minnesota Now to talk about the grant and how their work can make a difference in the lives of families with aging loved ones.
Use the audio player above to listen to the full conversation.
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Audio transcript
NINA MOINI: Well, the state of Minnesota recently announced $1.3 million in grants for projects that it says will make the state a better place to live for an older person. This includes money for accessible design, housing, and health care access. One of the projects hinges on the complicated relationships, choices, and disagreements that families navigate as loved ones age.
An organization that provides mediation in all kinds of disputes is receiving $60,000 from the state to do more work with older people, and Katie Arnold is co-executive director of Community Mediation Minnesota. It's a network of nonprofits that help resolve conflicts around the state. She joins me on the line now. Katie, thanks for being here.
KATIE ARNOLD: Thank you so much for having me today.
NINA MOINI: I really didn't know that a resource like that existed for issues around aging and family conflicts, and I just think that's such a great idea. Could you give an example of some of the types of disputes that may come up that are related to aging?
KATIE ARNOLD: Sure. So family mediation is not necessarily a new facet of mediation. However, the idea of working into the realm with our older Minnesotans and some of the family issues that revolve around those is really starting to hit the scene if you will.
So an example of this might be something-- a grandparent feeling that they've been pushed out of a relationship or excluded from a relationship with their grandchild or grandchildren, and a mediator could facilitate a discussion to talk through the people and the family's goals and concerns and options, ideas, and apply best practices for their conflict resolution.
NINA MOINI: And it could be related to aging or other things, but what are some of the-- mediators, they want to ensure that they include everybody in the family, including the older person. So how do you make sure that everyone has a voice in the process?
KATIE ARNOLD: That's a really good question, and it would-- so what we focus on, when you think of mediation-- so for Community Mediation Minnesota, our mission is to be a collaborative hub that amplifies access to and the impact of community based [CLEARING HER THROAT] excuse me, mediation and restorative services in the state.
And when you think about mediation, mediation seeks an agreement while restorative practices seek more of healing and repair. And so in this arena, kind of mediation and restorative practices would be very close cousins. And we might use what would be termed restorative mediation because many of these types of issues revolve, perhaps, around a rupture in a relationship.
The restorative mediation would be both solving a harm while also solving a problem. So we really take-- when we do intake with these cases, we really try to get to the heart of what exactly is going on, because some of the issues revolve around two adult siblings that can't get along, and then in that case, we might not involve the older parent, if that makes sense.
NINA MOINI: It does. You have to look at every unique situation of every unique family. What are some of the gaps, though, when it comes to mediation resources for older people and their families in Minnesota?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, we are in an effort to try to shift the system that's in place that really relies on our courts and litigation as the primary means to resolve conflict. So we want to create spaces for people to be heard and have agency in their decisions, so by providing a safe space for families to engage in conflict resolution and problem solving, as opposed to only in litigation and in the courts, we feel that we're being able to promote the autonomy of individuals preferences and needs and goals, as well as hopefully strengthening the family's various understandings of each other.
And so, so many times, I feel that the gaps-- the court system, while wonderful in many ways, does not allow necessarily for that individual voice of each member to come through and talk about it. And it doesn't allow for possibly the time that goes into hearing everyone's thoughts and feelings for moving forward for a more successful outcome and setting a pattern for the future.
NINA MOINI: Yeah, and, Katie, understanding everyone is an individual case and families are all different. Do you have advice for people about when it would be time, as a family, to seek mediation? Do we want mom or dad not to be driving anymore? Or do we want them to live with this person or that person? People, like you mentioned, could have all types of different opinions. When do you think it's time to say, we need someone to come and help us?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, that's a really good question, and I think it probably feels different for every family. However, I think, when it gets to the point that someone feels too uncomfortable or anxious to approach a topic, I think it's really helpful to say, what if we talk about restorative mediation or mediation in general?
I think jumping straight to litigation can be daunting and harmful in family relationships, but trying to discuss it with someone who is trained to do that, and can guide people into a safe, respectful place and through a safe and respectful process can be really helpful. So I guess I would recommend, at the point where you just don't feel comfortable doing it, it's time to ask someone else because you really--
NINA MOINI: Because it needs to be done.
KATIE ARNOLD: Right, and you don't want to harm a relationship beyond repair.
NINA MOINI: Yeah. Well, and before I let you go, Katie, what is next for your work? It seems that it's growing. You've had this new grant for $60,000. What are you going to be doing and implementing with that, and how do you hope it helps build the future?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, so what we're doing is we are providing two trainings to our already skilled mediators, but we're providing two specific trainings on these topics. And a lot of these topics that we're training our mediators on are caregiving of an aging parent, like independent living versus assisted care, grandparent relationships and visitation, estate planning topics such as health care directives and power of attorney.
And our hope is to help our mediators develop these refined skills, and then we want to, hopefully, build our capacity in our organizations and through the courts and through our cap agencies and different areas to try to shift that ecosystem in the family and elder law realm to attain more cases. And one of the big things that we're going to do is we're going to host, develop and host a biweekly practice cohort for providers of this to collaborate on best practices and tools for effective outcomes.
NINA MOINI: Amazing. Well, I wish you a lot of luck in the work ahead, and I thank you for stopping by, Katie.
KATIE ARNOLD: Thank you so much for having me.
NINA MOINI: That was Katie Arnold, co-executive director of Community Mediation Minnesota.
An organization that provides mediation in all kinds of disputes is receiving $60,000 from the state to do more work with older people, and Katie Arnold is co-executive director of Community Mediation Minnesota. It's a network of nonprofits that help resolve conflicts around the state. She joins me on the line now. Katie, thanks for being here.
KATIE ARNOLD: Thank you so much for having me today.
NINA MOINI: I really didn't know that a resource like that existed for issues around aging and family conflicts, and I just think that's such a great idea. Could you give an example of some of the types of disputes that may come up that are related to aging?
KATIE ARNOLD: Sure. So family mediation is not necessarily a new facet of mediation. However, the idea of working into the realm with our older Minnesotans and some of the family issues that revolve around those is really starting to hit the scene if you will.
So an example of this might be something-- a grandparent feeling that they've been pushed out of a relationship or excluded from a relationship with their grandchild or grandchildren, and a mediator could facilitate a discussion to talk through the people and the family's goals and concerns and options, ideas, and apply best practices for their conflict resolution.
NINA MOINI: And it could be related to aging or other things, but what are some of the-- mediators, they want to ensure that they include everybody in the family, including the older person. So how do you make sure that everyone has a voice in the process?
KATIE ARNOLD: That's a really good question, and it would-- so what we focus on, when you think of mediation-- so for Community Mediation Minnesota, our mission is to be a collaborative hub that amplifies access to and the impact of community based [CLEARING HER THROAT] excuse me, mediation and restorative services in the state.
And when you think about mediation, mediation seeks an agreement while restorative practices seek more of healing and repair. And so in this arena, kind of mediation and restorative practices would be very close cousins. And we might use what would be termed restorative mediation because many of these types of issues revolve, perhaps, around a rupture in a relationship.
The restorative mediation would be both solving a harm while also solving a problem. So we really take-- when we do intake with these cases, we really try to get to the heart of what exactly is going on, because some of the issues revolve around two adult siblings that can't get along, and then in that case, we might not involve the older parent, if that makes sense.
NINA MOINI: It does. You have to look at every unique situation of every unique family. What are some of the gaps, though, when it comes to mediation resources for older people and their families in Minnesota?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, we are in an effort to try to shift the system that's in place that really relies on our courts and litigation as the primary means to resolve conflict. So we want to create spaces for people to be heard and have agency in their decisions, so by providing a safe space for families to engage in conflict resolution and problem solving, as opposed to only in litigation and in the courts, we feel that we're being able to promote the autonomy of individuals preferences and needs and goals, as well as hopefully strengthening the family's various understandings of each other.
And so, so many times, I feel that the gaps-- the court system, while wonderful in many ways, does not allow necessarily for that individual voice of each member to come through and talk about it. And it doesn't allow for possibly the time that goes into hearing everyone's thoughts and feelings for moving forward for a more successful outcome and setting a pattern for the future.
NINA MOINI: Yeah, and, Katie, understanding everyone is an individual case and families are all different. Do you have advice for people about when it would be time, as a family, to seek mediation? Do we want mom or dad not to be driving anymore? Or do we want them to live with this person or that person? People, like you mentioned, could have all types of different opinions. When do you think it's time to say, we need someone to come and help us?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, that's a really good question, and I think it probably feels different for every family. However, I think, when it gets to the point that someone feels too uncomfortable or anxious to approach a topic, I think it's really helpful to say, what if we talk about restorative mediation or mediation in general?
I think jumping straight to litigation can be daunting and harmful in family relationships, but trying to discuss it with someone who is trained to do that, and can guide people into a safe, respectful place and through a safe and respectful process can be really helpful. So I guess I would recommend, at the point where you just don't feel comfortable doing it, it's time to ask someone else because you really--
NINA MOINI: Because it needs to be done.
KATIE ARNOLD: Right, and you don't want to harm a relationship beyond repair.
NINA MOINI: Yeah. Well, and before I let you go, Katie, what is next for your work? It seems that it's growing. You've had this new grant for $60,000. What are you going to be doing and implementing with that, and how do you hope it helps build the future?
KATIE ARNOLD: Well, so what we're doing is we are providing two trainings to our already skilled mediators, but we're providing two specific trainings on these topics. And a lot of these topics that we're training our mediators on are caregiving of an aging parent, like independent living versus assisted care, grandparent relationships and visitation, estate planning topics such as health care directives and power of attorney.
And our hope is to help our mediators develop these refined skills, and then we want to, hopefully, build our capacity in our organizations and through the courts and through our cap agencies and different areas to try to shift that ecosystem in the family and elder law realm to attain more cases. And one of the big things that we're going to do is we're going to host, develop and host a biweekly practice cohort for providers of this to collaborate on best practices and tools for effective outcomes.
NINA MOINI: Amazing. Well, I wish you a lot of luck in the work ahead, and I thank you for stopping by, Katie.
KATIE ARNOLD: Thank you so much for having me.
NINA MOINI: That was Katie Arnold, co-executive director of Community Mediation Minnesota.
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