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Making a marriage a success

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Daily Circuit Friday Roundtable
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Our panel this week discussed the mystery of marriage. What makes a partnership thrive? How does a union alter over time? 

Kerri was joined by William Doherty and the wife-and-husband news anchor team of Amelia Santaniello and Frank Vascellaro. 

LISTENERS' ADVICE ON LOVE:

Chuck: Rethink what "love" is. "Love isn't a feeling but rather a commitment and an attitude."

Jenjo: Inertia can be a good thing! "In those moments when neither of us is really acting as our 'highest functioning self,' inertia sets in and tides us over until we remember that we really do, fundamentally, love each other."

Carrie: "It sounds corny but I think you just don't sweat the small stuff. And frankly, most of it's small stuff. Think of yourself as a team."

Jill: "Whenever one of us is checked out sexually, we are more distant from each other. Especially when there are children involved; Sometimes you just need to lock that bedroom door!"

Wil: "Wake up and decide to be happy, or at least happy enough, every day."

Juls: Rethink what is romantic. "He used to bring me flowers, now he scrapes my car windows in the winter, etc... and those little things are romance — to me."

Eric: "Maybe this is a bit old-fashioned, but we made a commitment to each other. When things look like they might be coming apart I look back and remember that we meant what we said then, and that has not changed."

Jason: "We center our marriage on the word 'intentional' whether it's romance, money, or communication, doesn't happen by accident."

LEARN MORE ABOUT MAKING MARRIAGE WORK

• Preventing unnecessary divorce
You can bring down almost any good marriage within 12-24 months. You start with focusing on what you are not getting out of the relationship and how your partner fails to live up to your expectations. Following is a game plan you can follow; I have seen it work many times. The sad part is that the one who initiates it does not realize, until it feels too late, that this is a marital failure path. It's a slow, steady path without markers that say "Stop, Turn Around." ("Take Back Your Marriage")

• 10 qualities of great marriages
Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as "unfair." Each participates and contributes to the marriage in this way. (Hitched)

BOOK PICKS FROM OUR GUESTS

William Doherty: National Geographic's guide to San Francisco

Amelia Santaniello: The Game of Thrones series

Frank Vascellaro: "Who I Am" by Pete Townsend