Thread Book Hour: How Amy Tan's book on writing became a memoir
Listeners should note that the recorded conversation above contains a description of sexual assault.
At the beginning of her career, writer Amy Tan thought she would be a flash in the pan.
"And it took me I think about seven months before I finally realized this was something I could continue to do the rest of my life," Tan said in a conversation with MPR host Kerri Miller as part of the Talking Volumes series.
"I'm very good at setting low expectations for myself," she added. It's a great way to succeed in life because you never take yourself too seriously.
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Those low expectations take care of part of the fear of being a writer — your work not selling — but Tan said she also worries about what people will think of her writing when she creates things that are deeply personal.
That was the case with her latest book "Where the Past Begins." Tan thought she was writing a book about writing, but it turned out to be a memoir.
It wasn't until her editor told her what it was, and sent her the title that she started to accept it as such — though her focus was still on writing strategies.
The memories she shared in her book were supposed to be examples of how you can use memory and imagination, but in the process she ended up diving into some frightening life experiences.
"It's kind of like PTSD memory lane," she said.
Tan recalled a time she had broken down crying in a writing class after the attendees were asked to remember a time when they were frightened.
It brought up a memory Tan hadn't thought about in a long time, a moment from her childhood when her mother threatened to kill her, her brother and then herself with a meat cleaver.
"It was not the terror so much of the physical pain, or the oblivion, but the idea that your mother would want to kill you. You know, that it was no longer love, it was hate," Tan said.
When she talked to her mother about it years later, the discussion didn't end with reconciliation, "it was simply a part of our lives."
Tan said she turned to writing in her childhood as an outlet for the many emotions her mother forced her to feel. Now, Tan embraces feeling deeply in all aspects of life.
"It would be equivalent to there being all these wonders in the world, and they're right outside your door, and you never bothered to open the door," she said.
To listen to their conversation, use the audio player above.