Tweens are too old for camp and too young for jobs. What should they do during the summer?
Gigi Chawla poses for a photo.
Courtesy Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota
It's that time of year when many caregivers have their kids just all booked for camps and summer activities. That’s fine for elementary age children, but what about our tweens?
Many of our 12 to 14 year old young people are too old for a lot of camps and too young to get a summer job. So what do parents do? And what do these kids need developmentally?
Guest host Tim Nelson spoke with Dr. Gigi Chawla, chief of general pediatrics at Children’s Minneapolis about what changes for kids physiologically, developmentally, and socially during their ‘tweenage’ years.
Use the audio player above to listen to the full conversation.
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Audio transcript
INTERVIEWER: It's that time of year when many caregivers have their kids just all booked for camps and summer activities. That's fine for elementary-age children. But what about tweens? Any of our 12 to 14-year-old young people are too old for a lot of camps and too young to get a summer job. So what do parents do? And what do these kids need developmentally? Well, we'll ask an expert. Dr. Gigi Chawla is chief of general pediatrics at Children's Minneapolis, and she joins me now. Welcome, doctor.
GIGI CHAWLA: Well, thanks for having me today.
INTERVIEWER: A lot of questions here, but let's start with the basics. What changes for kids physiologically when they reach this tween stage?
GIGI CHAWLA: Boy, I think there are a lot of changes that parents and caregivers should be aware of and likely already are. First, it's just a time of great change from a highly structured environment and timetables that families and households have really a much more lower structured model. But I tend to think of this in probably four categories.
So the first is physically. At this age, kids are having a lot of physical changes. They're going through puberty. They likely need more sleep. Developmentally, they're likely ready or desiring more independence. But also, their frontal lobes are still developing so their capability of making solid decisions is still in progress, and they're much more reactive rather than proactive in their thinking from a mental health standpoint, kind of our third category.
I do think it's still a time in their lives where it's probably a peak of childhood anxiety, which is just normal because they don't have as much control over their environment as they would like. They've got some of these strong desires for peer acceptance, and they're still pretty prone to peer pressures.
And then the last category that I think about is academically. From a potential, we really want to continue to encourage their learning and also teach them that school isn't going to teach them everything. There are things outside of the classroom, life experiences that kids have to learn. And summer is just a great time to be thinking about what some of those things are that you want for your child to take part in.
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, obviously, school doesn't have that structure for them anymore. What should folks-- what should parents look for psychologically and socially? What kind of offerings should they seek for their kids during the summer when they're more on their own?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think as parents we really want kids to continue their learning. You don't want a break just because school is over, but yet you also want them to have a little bit of a reprieve from a developmental, psychological, social standpoint. Really, kids need that reassurance. They need those ongoing connections. They need discussions to continue challenging them to keep their thinking on point.
And although they probably don't describe it, but they want to have some challenges that are more about their independence and physical growth. Even discussions about puberty or some of those types of things, those really embarrassing topics for kids, they want to know that you care. They don't want to have the discussion, but they want to know that you care and that you're there for them too.
INTERVIEWER: Now, a lot of these kids aren't the only ones parents are dealing with. They may have a whole family. Are these kids old enough to take care of their younger siblings? Is that too much responsibility at this point?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think babysitting or caring for your siblings is a real issue for a lot of families. And certainly, you want to give your older kids some of that responsibility. Most really do have that sense of what their siblings need. I think a really important thing is to consider whether or not you want kids to take a babysitting course, if you want to have that be part of an allowance or just responsibility, and then also what they're truly, truly capable of. Each child is unique in their developmental progress and what they can and can't do, their ability to think proactively and not in certain situations. And so I think that one ends up being a little bit more of an individual child or tween kind of thought.
INTERVIEWER: And I know it varies for every kid. But the flip side here-- how much time should tweens spend alone? Obviously, some unsupervised time is good, but too much can be a problem. Any parameters for us?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think that alone time for tweens really depends on-- for some kids, they're very independent. They're self-motivated. They don't need a lot of entertainment. They're the type of child who maybe is a little bit of an introvert and is going to read or challenge themselves to learn new things and to not just sit on the couch and play video games or look at their phone. And other kids are going to need more support or supervision in order to keep themselves growing and learning. And so that alone time or how much alone time a tween should have is again, probably going to be more unique to the child.
I think one of the things that families really also need to consider is how much time these tweens really need to have with their friends to keep those ongoing connections in place. As much as it's a possibility for kids to academically have a summer slide, I also worry just as much about some of those social slides. And we did see that with the pandemic that kids lost a little bit of their abilities to have those social connections and understand how to be good friends, how to keep those connections and relationships going. And so I think that also needs to be a consideration for parents and caregivers.
INTERVIEWER: You talked a little bit about screen time and video games. I've got a United States Marine at my house occasionally, and we still have anxiety about that. How do you balance that need to intervene versus the conflict that you can set up with a kid with that?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, that is such a hard one. From a screen time standpoint, you probably want less than one hour of screen time each day that isn't learning focused academically or in some other way. Well, it's hard during the school year in general, but even during the summer, that is really, really a challenge.
And so I guess my points to think about here are screens are not the enemy. There's lots of good things that screen time comes with. Kids can use it to challenge their learning, to stay connected with friends. But you also want to make sure that it doesn't impede some of the things that you all know keep kids healthy, their ability to get outdoors and stay connected to--
INTERVIEWER: And I can tell you, doctor. It doesn't end with tweens either.
GIGI CHAWLA: [LAUGHS] That's exactly right.
INTERVIEWER: We're going to have to cut it off right there. Dr. Gigi Chawla is chief of general pediatrics at Children's Hospitals. If you missed any of her great insights and advice, you can find it on our website at mprnews.org.
GIGI CHAWLA: Well, thanks for having me today.
INTERVIEWER: A lot of questions here, but let's start with the basics. What changes for kids physiologically when they reach this tween stage?
GIGI CHAWLA: Boy, I think there are a lot of changes that parents and caregivers should be aware of and likely already are. First, it's just a time of great change from a highly structured environment and timetables that families and households have really a much more lower structured model. But I tend to think of this in probably four categories.
So the first is physically. At this age, kids are having a lot of physical changes. They're going through puberty. They likely need more sleep. Developmentally, they're likely ready or desiring more independence. But also, their frontal lobes are still developing so their capability of making solid decisions is still in progress, and they're much more reactive rather than proactive in their thinking from a mental health standpoint, kind of our third category.
I do think it's still a time in their lives where it's probably a peak of childhood anxiety, which is just normal because they don't have as much control over their environment as they would like. They've got some of these strong desires for peer acceptance, and they're still pretty prone to peer pressures.
And then the last category that I think about is academically. From a potential, we really want to continue to encourage their learning and also teach them that school isn't going to teach them everything. There are things outside of the classroom, life experiences that kids have to learn. And summer is just a great time to be thinking about what some of those things are that you want for your child to take part in.
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, obviously, school doesn't have that structure for them anymore. What should folks-- what should parents look for psychologically and socially? What kind of offerings should they seek for their kids during the summer when they're more on their own?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think as parents we really want kids to continue their learning. You don't want a break just because school is over, but yet you also want them to have a little bit of a reprieve from a developmental, psychological, social standpoint. Really, kids need that reassurance. They need those ongoing connections. They need discussions to continue challenging them to keep their thinking on point.
And although they probably don't describe it, but they want to have some challenges that are more about their independence and physical growth. Even discussions about puberty or some of those types of things, those really embarrassing topics for kids, they want to know that you care. They don't want to have the discussion, but they want to know that you care and that you're there for them too.
INTERVIEWER: Now, a lot of these kids aren't the only ones parents are dealing with. They may have a whole family. Are these kids old enough to take care of their younger siblings? Is that too much responsibility at this point?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think babysitting or caring for your siblings is a real issue for a lot of families. And certainly, you want to give your older kids some of that responsibility. Most really do have that sense of what their siblings need. I think a really important thing is to consider whether or not you want kids to take a babysitting course, if you want to have that be part of an allowance or just responsibility, and then also what they're truly, truly capable of. Each child is unique in their developmental progress and what they can and can't do, their ability to think proactively and not in certain situations. And so I think that one ends up being a little bit more of an individual child or tween kind of thought.
INTERVIEWER: And I know it varies for every kid. But the flip side here-- how much time should tweens spend alone? Obviously, some unsupervised time is good, but too much can be a problem. Any parameters for us?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, I think that alone time for tweens really depends on-- for some kids, they're very independent. They're self-motivated. They don't need a lot of entertainment. They're the type of child who maybe is a little bit of an introvert and is going to read or challenge themselves to learn new things and to not just sit on the couch and play video games or look at their phone. And other kids are going to need more support or supervision in order to keep themselves growing and learning. And so that alone time or how much alone time a tween should have is again, probably going to be more unique to the child.
I think one of the things that families really also need to consider is how much time these tweens really need to have with their friends to keep those ongoing connections in place. As much as it's a possibility for kids to academically have a summer slide, I also worry just as much about some of those social slides. And we did see that with the pandemic that kids lost a little bit of their abilities to have those social connections and understand how to be good friends, how to keep those connections and relationships going. And so I think that also needs to be a consideration for parents and caregivers.
INTERVIEWER: You talked a little bit about screen time and video games. I've got a United States Marine at my house occasionally, and we still have anxiety about that. How do you balance that need to intervene versus the conflict that you can set up with a kid with that?
GIGI CHAWLA: Yeah, that is such a hard one. From a screen time standpoint, you probably want less than one hour of screen time each day that isn't learning focused academically or in some other way. Well, it's hard during the school year in general, but even during the summer, that is really, really a challenge.
And so I guess my points to think about here are screens are not the enemy. There's lots of good things that screen time comes with. Kids can use it to challenge their learning, to stay connected with friends. But you also want to make sure that it doesn't impede some of the things that you all know keep kids healthy, their ability to get outdoors and stay connected to--
INTERVIEWER: And I can tell you, doctor. It doesn't end with tweens either.
GIGI CHAWLA: [LAUGHS] That's exactly right.
INTERVIEWER: We're going to have to cut it off right there. Dr. Gigi Chawla is chief of general pediatrics at Children's Hospitals. If you missed any of her great insights and advice, you can find it on our website at mprnews.org.
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