How a Minnesota nurse advocated for a woman during the loss of her pregnancy
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SPEAKER: It's time for another installment of our series called Thank You, Stranger, in which we explore how strangers can make our lives a little brighter or lift us up in a difficult moment. MPR producer Ellen Finn talked to a woman who was met with affirmation and support from a stranger during a crisis. Just a note to our listeners, this story mentions pregnancy loss. Please take care.
ELLEN FINN: Sarah Thuleen was living in uptown Minneapolis and in a new relationship, and she had a big goal for that relationship.
SARAH THULEEN: All I've ever wanted is to be a mom. I literally told him that on our second or third date. That's what I'm looking for is-- so then when we got pregnant, it kind of was like, all right.
ELLEN FINN: They started to tell friends and family the news and make a plan for how to be parents. Then, about 17 weeks into her pregnancy, Sarah began to get signs that something may be wrong.
SARAH THULEEN: You have this feeling in pregnancy that everyone says oh, that's normal. I'm like, is everything normal? Is this normal? And so I called the nurses line, and they were kind of aloof. And it was a very frustrating situation.
ELLEN FINN: Sarah didn't get any answers over the phone, and she didn't feel like the nurse on the other end was taking her concerns seriously. She went to the hospital, where she learned she had what's called a prolapsed cord. This condition is rare, but when it happens, it's an emergency. It can mean the fetus isn't getting enough oxygen.
SARAH THULEEN: There was some murmuring and shuffling around. Different nurses and different doctors were in and out. They did an ultrasound. They said she still has a heart rate, but at this gestational age, we don't have very many options. And I'm like options for what? And they said, we just have to watch her heart rate go down. Oh my god. That moment was, I can't do it, and I can't save her, and I can't help her. And like, as her mom, that's the most devastating, absolutely heart-wrenching-- I'm screaming and crying. My baby's father was down in Dallas, so he flew up.
ELLEN FINN: Which left Sarah waiting to see her partner and to say goodbye to a baby they'd never get to meet. Once her baby's heart rate stopped, she would still have to give birth. During this terrible wait, nurses came in and out to check on her.
SARAH THULEEN: And then that's kind of when Pat came in.
ELLEN FINN: Pat was another nurse of Sarah's, and she treated Sarah differently from everyone else she had come into contact with that day.
SARAH THULEEN: And Pat came in and sat down next to me. And she said, when someone really important in this world dies, there's a lot of paperwork that needs to be done. And I just want you to know that your daughter's important, and this paperwork that you're going to get, it's a lot, and I don't want you to feel pressured to do it. And you can keep pushing it off until the second that you want to do it. You can just tell that she just cares so much.
So my previous nurse had said, we can't wait until your partner lands to induce you because we have risk of infection. And when Pat came in, she said, it's my understanding that your partner lands around 6:00 PM. And I was like, yeah. And she's like, well, do you want to wait until he gets here? And it was like, what? I thought we couldn't. And she was like, I am going to go talk to the doctor and just see. And so then the doctor came back in and said, sounds like we want to wait until your partner gets here. And I was like, I didn't know that was an option. If we can, great.
She was just my voice. Everything that I needed, she was right there. She would check in every 20-ish minutes. She kind of told me what it would feel like, and so I knew what to expect. I felt my baby coming. My sister-in-law went and got Pat, and she delivered her and then put her on my chest, and she said she's perfect. We all just sat there for a while and just cried.
You have to give birth to your placenta, too. And the doctor came in for that and brought in a couple other doctors. They did an ultrasound, and they saw that there was still things in my uterus that needed to come out, and they were asking different opinions and talking about it. And I'm literally sitting right there. They're not acknowledging me at all. And it just felt like this is just another procedure.
Then another doctor came in, and he didn't even introduce himself. And he looked at the ultrasound and he said, well, since she's on an epidural right now, we could just go up there and scrape it all out since she won't feel anything. And I'm like, what? And Pat literally stood up and she's like, absolutely not. We are not doing that. She basically shooed everyone out. And she was like, we're not going to put her through more trauma. No. Sat down with me again and she was like, you need time, and you need space. I'm going to let you have that. And, I mean, she was right. That was exactly what I needed.
There was so many times where she was just like my voice and just such an advocate for me. It just felt like the only person on that medical team that was considering that I was a person. It's not just a procedure for her. It's not just another day.
Thank you isn't enough. But I'm just so grateful because the experience wouldn't have been what it was without her. And she obviously deals with this often, but she never made me feel like this just happens, and a lot of the doctors did. Like, this just is a part of pregnancy. And I'm like, it was my baby. And she just made me feel so seen and made me feel like it was OK to be as emotional as I was.
At the very end of the night, she had told me that her shift was done at 10:00 or 11:00. And at 12:30 she came in, and she said, I have to head out now. Is that OK with you? And I was like, Pat, you've been great. And she sits down next to me, and she says, I just want you to know that we don't forget these babies. I'll remember your baby forever.
SPEAKER: Oh my goodness. That was Sarah Thuleen from Minneapolis. This piece was produced by Ellen Finn and Alanna Elder. If you want to share a story of kindness from a stranger on your own, we want to hear from you. Go to mprnews.org.
ELLEN FINN: Sarah Thuleen was living in uptown Minneapolis and in a new relationship, and she had a big goal for that relationship.
SARAH THULEEN: All I've ever wanted is to be a mom. I literally told him that on our second or third date. That's what I'm looking for is-- so then when we got pregnant, it kind of was like, all right.
ELLEN FINN: They started to tell friends and family the news and make a plan for how to be parents. Then, about 17 weeks into her pregnancy, Sarah began to get signs that something may be wrong.
SARAH THULEEN: You have this feeling in pregnancy that everyone says oh, that's normal. I'm like, is everything normal? Is this normal? And so I called the nurses line, and they were kind of aloof. And it was a very frustrating situation.
ELLEN FINN: Sarah didn't get any answers over the phone, and she didn't feel like the nurse on the other end was taking her concerns seriously. She went to the hospital, where she learned she had what's called a prolapsed cord. This condition is rare, but when it happens, it's an emergency. It can mean the fetus isn't getting enough oxygen.
SARAH THULEEN: There was some murmuring and shuffling around. Different nurses and different doctors were in and out. They did an ultrasound. They said she still has a heart rate, but at this gestational age, we don't have very many options. And I'm like options for what? And they said, we just have to watch her heart rate go down. Oh my god. That moment was, I can't do it, and I can't save her, and I can't help her. And like, as her mom, that's the most devastating, absolutely heart-wrenching-- I'm screaming and crying. My baby's father was down in Dallas, so he flew up.
ELLEN FINN: Which left Sarah waiting to see her partner and to say goodbye to a baby they'd never get to meet. Once her baby's heart rate stopped, she would still have to give birth. During this terrible wait, nurses came in and out to check on her.
SARAH THULEEN: And then that's kind of when Pat came in.
ELLEN FINN: Pat was another nurse of Sarah's, and she treated Sarah differently from everyone else she had come into contact with that day.
SARAH THULEEN: And Pat came in and sat down next to me. And she said, when someone really important in this world dies, there's a lot of paperwork that needs to be done. And I just want you to know that your daughter's important, and this paperwork that you're going to get, it's a lot, and I don't want you to feel pressured to do it. And you can keep pushing it off until the second that you want to do it. You can just tell that she just cares so much.
So my previous nurse had said, we can't wait until your partner lands to induce you because we have risk of infection. And when Pat came in, she said, it's my understanding that your partner lands around 6:00 PM. And I was like, yeah. And she's like, well, do you want to wait until he gets here? And it was like, what? I thought we couldn't. And she was like, I am going to go talk to the doctor and just see. And so then the doctor came back in and said, sounds like we want to wait until your partner gets here. And I was like, I didn't know that was an option. If we can, great.
She was just my voice. Everything that I needed, she was right there. She would check in every 20-ish minutes. She kind of told me what it would feel like, and so I knew what to expect. I felt my baby coming. My sister-in-law went and got Pat, and she delivered her and then put her on my chest, and she said she's perfect. We all just sat there for a while and just cried.
You have to give birth to your placenta, too. And the doctor came in for that and brought in a couple other doctors. They did an ultrasound, and they saw that there was still things in my uterus that needed to come out, and they were asking different opinions and talking about it. And I'm literally sitting right there. They're not acknowledging me at all. And it just felt like this is just another procedure.
Then another doctor came in, and he didn't even introduce himself. And he looked at the ultrasound and he said, well, since she's on an epidural right now, we could just go up there and scrape it all out since she won't feel anything. And I'm like, what? And Pat literally stood up and she's like, absolutely not. We are not doing that. She basically shooed everyone out. And she was like, we're not going to put her through more trauma. No. Sat down with me again and she was like, you need time, and you need space. I'm going to let you have that. And, I mean, she was right. That was exactly what I needed.
There was so many times where she was just like my voice and just such an advocate for me. It just felt like the only person on that medical team that was considering that I was a person. It's not just a procedure for her. It's not just another day.
Thank you isn't enough. But I'm just so grateful because the experience wouldn't have been what it was without her. And she obviously deals with this often, but she never made me feel like this just happens, and a lot of the doctors did. Like, this just is a part of pregnancy. And I'm like, it was my baby. And she just made me feel so seen and made me feel like it was OK to be as emotional as I was.
At the very end of the night, she had told me that her shift was done at 10:00 or 11:00. And at 12:30 she came in, and she said, I have to head out now. Is that OK with you? And I was like, Pat, you've been great. And she sits down next to me, and she says, I just want you to know that we don't forget these babies. I'll remember your baby forever.
SPEAKER: Oh my goodness. That was Sarah Thuleen from Minneapolis. This piece was produced by Ellen Finn and Alanna Elder. If you want to share a story of kindness from a stranger on your own, we want to hear from you. Go to mprnews.org.
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