Cooler but still well above normal this week

MPR News helps you turn down the noise and build shared understanding. Turn up your support for this public resource and keep trusted journalism accessible to all. 

Turn Up Your Support

Debbie Kosta almost didn't survive COVID-19. In the early days of the pandemic, the 52-year-old was kept on a ventilator for over three weeks. 

When she emerged from a coma and learned that she would pull through while another person in the hospital with her had died, Kosta was racked with guilt. She found herself asking, "Why me?"

Her feelings — self-blame, anxiety, helplessness — are just some of the symptoms experienced by people with survivor's guilt.

Survivor's guilt is typically associated with soldiers or first responders who survive a traumatic event that others did not. Now, after over 600,000 people died of COVID-19 in the U.S., survivors of the disease are asking themselves similar questions.

What survivor's guilt looks like for three COVID-19 survivors

While Kosta was hospitalized in New York City, the single parent of two pleaded with doctors to do all they could to keep her alive. 

Rachael Sunshine, 44, from Coxsackie, N.Y., is a veteran who struggles with debilitating symptoms from chronic Lyme disease and an advanced stage of reflex sympathetic dystrophy. When she contracted COVID-19, she knew the odds were stacked against her. 

She's now recovering, but the disease has aggravated her existing heart complications and other health issues. She and Kosta are both part of 

, a national network that supports COVID-19 survivors, which Sunshine says has helped her stay positive. 

Linda Lausell-Bryant, 58, a social worker and clinical professor at New York University, came down with the disease along with her husband in the early days of the pandemic. Her husband had to be hospitalized while she remained mostly asymptomatic. They're both doing better now. 

Linda says they were not surprised to see how the coronavirus ravaged communities of color. That realization contributed to her overall sense of guilt.

Guilt is how some cope with loss and powerlessness

Abigail Nathanson, a social worker who counsels people with survivor's guilt, says that guilt can give people a false sense of control in the wake of senseless events that leave survivors feeling helpless.

The thinking, she explains, is "I am not powerless if it was my fault, and I made a mistake."

She says the first step is to accept the grief underneath that guilt. "Acknowledge the feelings of loss and powerlessness," she says.

When people feel this sort of emotional response to stress, Nathanson says, it's important for them to have compassion for themselves and what they're going through.

"It makes sense that it would be so challenging and so dysregulating to try to navigate a world that got turned upside down seemingly overnight," Nathanson said.

She hopes that people are able to find faith in their own resilience and ability to figure out how they want to come out of a difficult experience.

She says survivors should ask themselves: "What keeps you going? What is something that's more important than your daily struggles?" Survivors should think about "how you show up in the world and what you want to accomplish and what you want to be." 

Health

Mental Health

COVID-19

Hiba Ahmad

Author

Hadeel Al-Shalchi

Emma Bowman

Survivor's guilt is typically associated with soldiers or first responders who survive a traumatic event that others did not. It's now consuming some people who survived a deadly disease that so many didn't. A counselor gives steps to address those feelings.

Racked with guilt, some COVID-19 survivors are asking, 'Why me?'

Go Deeper.

Like this?

News you can use in your inbox