U of M family researcher: Make memories, not debt this holiday season
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With holiday gift-buying season in full swing, it can be easy to want to buy your child one more gift. But what’s more important is creating a strong family culture through quality time, a University of Minnesota family educator says.
“When I ask someone the question, when we're talking about this topic, what is a key memory that you have from your childhood around the holidays? Sometimes a specific gift comes up, but more times than not, it is a memory about being together or doing something together with the family,” said Ellie McCann, an extension educator with the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family, Health and Wellbeing.
Consumerism is an ever-present pressure in our culture, according to McCann, who said that pressure puts stress on families — stress that research shows can negatively impact the way children develop.
“So if we can put some of that stress aside about what are we going to give, what are we going to give, as far as gifts, and create more of a balance so that you're not ending up with this after Christmas hangover debt, which also then keeps that stress going, it's going to benefit everyone in the family,” she said.
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Researchers in the U’s Department of Family, Health and Wellbeing often tell parents to use the “Test of Four” which outlines four questions you can ask yourself about whether a gift is good for a child or not: Is this appropriate for the child’s age? Does the first use a disproportionate amount of family resources? Whose needs are being met with this gift? Will the gift cause possible harm to others, the community or the environment?
“I gave my three daughters the Barbie Dream House that they never touched because I didn't get that as a child, so I wanted them to have it,” McCann said. “They never played with it. So that was fulfilling my need.”
McCann said developing traditions and routines help children build a sense of belonging in their families. To develop a strong family culture, McCann suggests finding a balance between quality time and gifts. Make a list, stick to it, and communicate with extended family about expectations around gifts for the kids.
“Maybe gift giving can be giving an experience and spending quality time with that child,” McCann said.
